The Power of Persistence (or What you Resist, Persists)

I don’t know how to say this to you any other way so I’m just going to say it:  There is no easy way to heal from psychological trauma.

There is no pill, no elixir, no magic wand, no therapist, no book, no workshop, no yoga class, no blogger that will give you a quick fix from your suffering.  I’m sorry; I truly am.

If you want to heal from PTSD you are going to have to work very hard for a long time. You are going to have to spend money (probably a lot of money relative to your income) to get help to overcome what you feel should have never happened to you. And then you will have to work some more.

In my book I compare the journey of healing PTSD to the journey that Frodo takes in The Lord of the Rings trilogy to cast the evil, all powerful ring back into it’s source: a dangerous volcano hidden inside of an even more dangerous enemy territory governed by an all seeing magical evil sorcerer.  Frodo has two choices.  He can either stay in his comfort zone in the bucolic shire of his childhood and live in denial until his land is ultimately overrun with evil mutant elves and destroyed while the ring has corrupted him (or someone else) completely.  Or, he can man up and take the journey, one that is most perilous and with no guarantee of success and try to destroy the thing forever.

This is basically our choice as well. Is the journey so easy? If it were, everyone would make it.

Yes, I know it sucks.  But suck it up folks. That is the way it is.  I can only say this to you, not because I am cruel and heartless, but because this is a journey that I’ve taken.  I’ve done the dirt time, so to speak, in spades.

It is totally worth it.  The sooner you get over resistance to healing and begin, the better.  Healing PTSD takes a chunk of your life.  Not healing from PTSD takes your entire life (and possibly future lifetimes if you believe in that sort of thing).

Take a moment and review the pros and cons of healing:

Pros                                                                 Cons

Peace of mind                                                  Nightmares and flashbacks for the rest of your life, chronic anxiety

The ability to love and be loved                     Failed relationships; people who are afraid of you; persistent loneliness

Bodily health                                                  Heart disease, migraines, joint pain, digestive issues, auto immune diseases

Wisdom                                                           Ignorance, bitterness, confusion

Compassion for self and others                      Self-pity, entitlement, self-loathing, shame

Money well spent in healing                          Money ill spent in addictions, diversions and distractions

Well, you get the picture. 

So which will it be?  Healing PTSD does have an endpoint.  It brings gifts beyond

compare but only if you finish the job.  You have no more time to lose. Put this at the top

of your New Year’s Resolutions and you will ring in a much brighter 2014.

Blessings on your journey of healing!

Endurance is the most difficult of all the disciplines but it is to the one who endures that

the final victory comes. ~ Buddha

Whitney Houston and The Power of Words

Yesterday, I was saddened, as were many all over the world, to hear of Whitney Houston's death in a hotel, in a bathtub. Alone. The airwaves filled with moving tributes and loving words before, during and after the Grammys, where her life and talent were celebrated. I couldn't help but wonder if Whitney knew how much she was loved and respected. She had a successful life, yes, but she also had a 15 year long traumatic marriage where she was abused and hurt repeatedly.

Those of us with PTSD know that we can feel swamped with overwhelming feelings of loneliness, grief and fear in our darkest moments. It is easy to pay attention to people who hate us and harder to connect with our core feelings of self-love.

The media is awfully hard on people, except when they are dead. When stars die, they are painted in the rosiest light possible. While alive, dirt is dished because dirt sells stories. By reading these stories and salacious websites we all contribute to their suffering.

I wonder what if? What if Whitney had heard all of these tributes before? Before the medications and the bath and the lonely hotel room. What if her life had been filled with kindness and kind words? What if we all refused to participate in mean talk, mean TV, mean internet parodies and shows? It is easy to think that we are removed from each other. But what if we are not?

In my experience, most people's lives are filled with private suffering. Meanness can push some over the edge. Love, inclusion, compassion and understanding can be life saving. Who could you support today with kind words and thoughts?

If you are feeling low, down, shamed or not worthy, know that there is love in this world. It may be hidden from your eyes, but it is there. Today I send kind thoughts your way. I hope you will do the same for me and for your brothers and sisters out there struggling in a world where it can be hard to feel valued. Take good care, each and every one of you.